Kestrel the Druid

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  • Understanding Claustrophobia: A Deep Dive into Fear

    Understanding Claustrophobia: A Deep Dive into Fear

    Claustrophobia is a fear of enclosed spaces. This is not the normal anxiety that comes from being trapped someplace, like a broken-down elevator. It is an anxiety that causes your body to react in unforeseeable ways at the mere sight of an elevator.

    I’ve suffered from mild claustrophobia my entire life. A short while ago I discovered some aspects of past lives which contributed to this fear. In an earlier incarnation, I died while being locked in a trunk. Some would understand how that could lead to claustrophobia in this life.

    During my recent studies, I learned more about the possibility of why I am afflicted with this particular phobia. Compression. And how the energy of the soul is tightly compressed to accommodate a physical body. This compression has led me to be more uncomfortable in my skin than most. My soul is longing to expand past the confines of physical reality. The thought of getting into something even more confining, then leads me into a panic.

    Take this already confining body and keep it cooped up in small enclosures (houses, cars, offices). It is a recipe for poor health. Is it any wonder that mental health continues to decline even as we improve our lives?

    Science has proven that our electromagnetic field expands past our physical body. And studying quantum entanglement will show that the atoms in my body are affected by atoms miles away. How can that be, unless we expand outward, further than can be seen or detected with scientific instruments.

    Even Einstein proved that matter equals energy in a different state. E=mcc Many would argue that everything we are and everything around us is nothing but energy. And there is something to that statement. Look at the building blocks of matter, the atom. Atoms are nothing but empty space with charges. Protons are positive charges and electrons are negative. The attraction of positive and negative holds them together.

    So how do we use this information to our advantage? By allowing our souls to expand. Imagine your energy filling the cosmos and being limitless. Will it help my get in an elevator, not necessarily. But it will help me be at peace as I walk up the stairs.

  • The Journey from Loneliness to Self-Discovery

    The Journey from Loneliness to Self-Discovery

    Loneliness. It’s an emotion that is usually associated with a negative feeling. Often times when someone says they’re lonely, it brings up feelings of sadness, maybe abandonment. Loneliness is what you feel when you feel not heard, misunderstood, or a variety of other emotions.

    I was living alone a little while ago, but lonely was never something I actually felt during that time. The ironic thing is that I actually feel lonelier now that my family is with me. Why is that? It is probably because when I was by myself, I felt more freedom. It was also because I never felt let down. Now that my family has joined me, I find it difficult to do all the things I want and need to do on a daily basis.

    Others feel lonely simply because they no longer have another physical body with them. They feel uncomfortable being alone with their thoughts and feelings. For these people there is hope. Learning who you are, and what you want are crucial to finding a compatible companion. By spending time alone, you can learn more about yourself. You can break cycles of bad choices and abuse.

    My grandmother was someone who was never lonely. She was a very confident woman and loved her independence. She lived alone for the last 20 years of her life. And I never once heard her complain about being lonely. How did she do it? She was very comfortable with herself and kept herself busy with hobbies. She also maintained friendships all the way up until her death at 95. When one friend passed, she simply made two new ones. So even though she was alone, she wasn’t on her own.

    If you are feeling lonely, first learn to love yourself and be comfortable in your own skin. Next, get out and start making new friends, cultivate those friendships, and allow them to grow.

    For me I’m going to try and build stronger ties with those around me, in order to not feel so alone.

  • Embracing Yule Amidst Modern Celebrations

    Embracing Yule Amidst Modern Celebrations

    It is that time of year again. Time for celebrations, gifts and gathering with loved ones. This has been a conflicted time for me. Being raised in a Christian family, I remember how much I loved Christmas. The presents, the lights, having two weeks off school. But now, I find myself questioning my old beliefs. I still remember Christmas fondly and look forward to opening presents. But am I being false to the holiday, since I no longer believe in the church which claims it. That is what I am wrestling with these days.

    I take some comfort in knowing that the modern Christmas tradition is mostly based in Pagan practices. The Catholic church usurped the winter solstice holiday Yule. The revelry of the solstice became a church to celebrate the birth of Jesus. Even though the actual date of his birth is unknown and was most likely in March or April. The Yule log became a Christmas tree. You get the idea.

    As I study the Druidic calendar, I learn that modern Druids celebrate Alban Arthan on Dec 21. The colors green and white are used in celebrating this day. And mistletoe is the plant used during rituals. I take comfort in the familiarity of these symbols for the season. While many Christians would call these comparisons blasphemy, I find it reassuring. We are not as different as many would believe.

    This year (2025) this day also happens to be just after the New Moon. So, this year the holiday will be particularly dark. I have felt this. Both my husband and I have been melancholy from the beginning of the season. We have been having heavy snow and colder than usual temperatures. Work has been a struggle. I find solace in being near loved ones. And I look forward to the new year.

    Merry Christmas, Happy Yule, Happy Hannukah, Happy Kwanza, let’s just say Happy Holidays to y’all!!

  • The Joys and Struggles of Family Life

    The Joys and Struggles of Family Life

    What is family? This can be a difficult question to answer for many. Many people define family as those you share a genetic ancestry with. For example, parents, grandparents, siblings, cousins, etc. Others would say family is those you feel closest to. The people you want to spend more time with. For me, family are the people I love the most, and the people who annoy me the most. Regardless of how you define family, one thing is certain. Family means hard work, hurt feelings, tears, and being let down.

    But if family is all those bad things, then why would anyone actually want to have a family? Because family can also be our greatest joy and happiness. Family is there for you when you are at your lowest. They grieve with you and help you when you need it the most. Family is the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s the hand up when you are falling down. They celebrate your successes and give support from your failures.

    Some say family means “Never having to say you’re sorry”. This is not further from the truth. Family is the ones you apologize to the most and the ones who have to apologize to you the most. These are the people that are actions affect the most, and the ones that our actions hurt the most. Because they care about us the most. And we care about them the most.

    Family are the people we fight with the most. Think about it. A stranger on the street cuts in front of you. You get a little upset and then go on about your day. Rarely would you confront them and start yelling at them about how much their action affected you. Why? Because you don’t care. You know that you will likely never have to see them again. But if your friend were to do that. It’s a whole other ballgame.

    So, what do we do when there is conflict within a family? This may seem like common sense to most of you, but the straightest answer is to talk to them. Open, honest communication. Therapists will talk about how to communicate and how to say things in a calmer way. But the underlying message is the same – COMMUNICATE! This skill is getting worse and worse as time goes on. Each generation seems to have more and more problems communicating. It seems the more communication technology we produce; the worse communication actually becomes.

    So, on this week of Thanksgiving, I wish for all of you to get together with family. Both those we were born into and the ones we chose and talk with them. Tell them about the stupid little things. Talk to them about your finances. Discuss politics, just don’t let it get heated. Talk about everything you’ve always been afraid to talk about.

    Happy Thanksgiving to you and all those you call family!!

  • Meditating in Nature: Achieving a Natural State Anywhere

    Meditating in Nature: Achieving a Natural State Anywhere

    Today as I was meditating, I received several messages. But I only plan to discuss one of them today. Nature and our bodies.

    Many people will say they get the most out of their meditations when they do them in a natural way. And a natural environment. If you live on acreage in a temperate climate, this can be easy. But what if you live in a big city, like New York or Chicago. What if you live somewhere north like Alaska. Or somewhere too warm like Texas or Mexico. The truth is you can’t always meditate in nature. So how do you obtain a natural environment, in an artificial environment. There are many ways. One is by having things like houseplants in your meditation space. Another is by trying to have natural light in your space, like sunlight or moonlight. Some people will even use images of natural settings to help achieve this natural setting. There is one way that most people would never even think about. The clothes (or lack of them) that you wear.

    There are people advocating for only wearing natural fiber clothing. Fabrics made from 100% cotton, wool, and silk for example. That these items can help ground and relax the wearer. While man-made fabrics, like rayon and nylon can induce a negative feeling for the wearer. Does this mean, you can only wear linen clothing? No, you can wear whatever you are comfortable in. But keep in mind that wearing some this clothing while meditating can inhibit your meditations results. If you are struggling (which is normal), you might want to try changing your outfit. It might be helpful to look for an inexpensive gown or robe to wear while meditating. Especially if you practice in a public space. The biggest thing to look for is something that you will be comfortable wearing. Avoid anything overly restrictive or confining.

    Another way to achieve this, is by not wearing anything at all. This can work if you have a private space for your meditations. By removing all clothing, your body will be in its most natural state. And your body itself will be the natural setting you need for optimal meditation. The first thought I had when I first felt the need to remove clothing was one of embarrassment. What if someone saw me? What would they think? Our society is very deep rooted in covering our bodies and treating them as shameful. It can be difficult to overcome this need to always cover-up. How can you overcome this? Start small. Remove your shoes and socks, if you don’t already do so. It can help if you start doing daily tasks like reading or even sleeping with minimal clothing. And then eventually with no clothing. You must first learn to be comfortable with your own body, and your own nakedness. Once you feel comfortable just being naked, then try to meditate in that state. You may feel silly at first. That’s ok. Eventually it will feel natural. Which is the exact feeling you are looking for.

    May you have peace in your heart, love in your life, and abundance overflowing.

  • Halloween Traditions: Embracing Samhain as a Druid

    Halloween Traditions: Embracing Samhain as a Druid

    Happy Halloween, or Joyous Samhain. Both are the same thing, just thought of differently. Tonight is known for candy and other treats, costumes and parties, and all manner of things spooky. The holiday was actually celebrated by the ancient Druids as a closing of the old year. It is considered the first holiday in the wheel of the year. It is a time when those who have passed on are remembered and honored.

    How should a Druid honor this day? One way is to decorate your altar in fall colors and meditate in front of it. You could also use it to remember loved ones and ancestors who crossed over. It is often stated that the veil is thinnest at this time of year. There is also the option of trick-or-treating, or a good party as well.

    I’m choosing to spend this Samhain by fully meditating on what it means to be a Druid. And getting more serious about my journey. I’ve started by smudging me space with sage. I plan to research and begin my journey of becoming a First Degree or Apprentice Druid. I am hoping to take it all the way to Third Degree. This path will take several years and a lot of hard work. But I know I am up to the task. Join me on this journey and see all that it entails. I plan to share all aspects of my studies with those of you who are interested.

  • Angel Numbers and Finding Balance

    Angel Numbers and Finding Balance

    I have been seeing a lot of repeating numbers lately. I’ve always heard that this means your spirit guides or angels are trying to communicate with you. Depending on who you talk to or which websites you read, they can have many different meanings. So how do you know which one is the right one? Simply, it’s the one that feels right. You should have this feeling of “Yes!” when you watch the explanation or read the meaning.

    Today I kept having the number “222” show up. During work, the data repeatedly would have 22.2 within it. I would look at the clock, and it would be 2:22. I would see it on license plates during my commute. I think you get the picture. This specific number signifies being out of balance somewhere in my life. This makes sense. I have also noticed during my yoga practice a feeling of being unbalanced, and it reflects in my physical body. So how does one remedy this?

    The first way I need to rebalance is with my diet. I have been eating a lot of unhealthy foods lately. Time to get back to the fruits and veggies and cut out the breads and sugar. Easier said than done, especially with it being close to Halloween.

    The next way is with exercise. I have known for a while that I need to move more. Even though I’m not sedentary, I’m not as active as I need to be.

    Finally, I need to mentally balance. I have a habit of picking one thing and obsessing over it. Throwing all my energy into a single aspect of my life. Right now, it’s my finances that are getting that energy.

    The second number I’ve been seeing a lot lately is “444”. This one is a little more straightforward. It is a sign that I’m on the right path and I just need to persevere through my current struggles.

    These two numbers together are trying to encourage me while showing me where I can improve. I can’t say how I know this. It is an intuition. I know one thing for sure. When I have listened to my intuitive self, things have always worked out for the better.

    What is your intuition telling you right now?

  • Understanding Dragonfly Symbolism: Emotions and Transformation

    Understanding Dragonfly Symbolism: Emotions and Transformation

    A while back I had a dragonfly land on my arm while I was meditating. It rested there for some time before flying off. I felt like it was looking me straight in the eye. I’m still not very awake yet and was unable to “hear” his message. Luckily, I have resources to help guide me.

    A dragonfly symbolizes the power of light. This is because its wings are iridescent and appear to change colors, depending on how the light hits them. They are associated with both air and water elements. They can also symbolize change and transformation. A dragonfly’s most powerful time is during the long summer days. The heat of the sun gives it its energy. They can be a sign of a need to face our emotions. Or to be aware of illusions.

    What resonated with me the most was the emotional aspect of dragonflies. The water element is tied to emotions. The dragonfly’s connection to the water element can signify that we need to express our feelings. We should allow ourselves to be open with our emotions. There is a lot of emotion in my life right now. I feel that the dragonfly came to show me that emotions are not bad. We need to be safe to feel whatever emotions come to the surface.

    I also feel that the dragonfly’s ties to transformation and change were a part of its message. I have been having the feeling that big changes are happening in my life right now. The dragonfly was probably trying to guide me through some of those changes and provide a small comfort. Thank you, dragonfly.

  • Understanding Dreams: The Symbolism of Juvenile Animals

    Understanding Dreams: The Symbolism of Juvenile Animals

    It’s been an interesting week. I still keep seeing young raccoons on my morning drive. And last night I head a very vivid dream involving a juvenile tiger, and groundhog. In the dream there was a facade within a building. The tiger appeared within a group of people and approached me. I was afraid it would attack me, so I guided this animal back to its mother and their cage. I could not get it inside the cage. The dream shifted to a different room with a box on a counter. The box was lifted by someone else, and a juvenile groundhog crawled out from under the box. What does it all mean? That was the topic of my meditation today.

    First, why am I having so many encounters with juvenile animals? Raccoons, tigers, groundhogs, deer, even birds. The message I received was that juveniles represent transition. They are neither adult nor infant, but in the process of changing from one to the other. It represents that I am in the process of transitioning between one version of myself and a different one. I am neither Michelle nor Kestrel, instead being somewhere in between.

    The tiger symbolizes power and passion. It can be a sign of me coming into a power that I’ve denied myself for centuries. It can be the power of storytelling, a talent I’m trying to develop. Tigers also come in many colors. A year ago, I felt the presence of a black tiger. In Chinese lore, it is a symbol of the north, winter and water. I was too afraid to communicate with it then. Maybe this dream was a way to get me more comfortable with the tiger within me. But then why was I afraid of the tiger. My fear was symbolic of the actual fear I have to embrace my power and let it out. My fear of change. Once I start to let go of all my fear, I will be able to work better with tiger. This partnership will bring about a brighter future.

    That leaves the woodchuck, or groundhog. The groundhog is symbolic of the dream state and dreaming. He is a guide to lucid dreaming and altered states of consciousness. My first instinct was that the groundhog was there more as a helper than as an actual messenger. A groundhog can symbolize the learning of new skills and discovery of new talents. He was in my dream to let me know that tiger was something for me to learn and grow from.

    What should you take away from this? Listen to your guides. I have been seeing young animals so often, because I have not been listening to their message. I need to open up more and allow myself to receive more.

  • Interpreting Raccoon Sightings: Symbolism and Meaning

    Interpreting Raccoon Sightings: Symbolism and Meaning

    This week brought a lot of raccoons into the picture. Every day on the way to work, I saw young raccoons. One or two of them were crossing the road in front of me. My instincts told me that they were trying to tell me something. Their age was important to the message. Unfortunately, there is not a lot of information available. It is unclear how a juvenile animal’s message can differ from that of an adult of the same species. Still, after looking a little longer, I found one source which led to an answer.

    What is the general meaning of seeing a raccoon. Often times their facial markings are symbolic of wearing masks. And of hiding your identity. It can also symbolize surprises in your future. One sight explained it as serendipity bringing about positive changes. I felt drawn to this interpretation for many reasons. Mostly the perfect timing of the sighting. They stepped onto the road at the perfect time to be in my headlight beams. And with plenty of time for me to stop.

    Raccoons can live on their own at about 20 weeks of age. My source explains that this can mean a 20-week cycle for changes to come about. This is especially true if you are making these changes and trying to hide them until the right moment. These guys were clearly newly on their own, so they were probably right at about that twenty-week age. It also probably indicated that I was at the beginning of that cycle. Being new in the spiritual world, their young age, probably also indicated my being newly in this world.

    Some of you are probably asking “How do I know that these animals were speaking to me?” I often ask that myself. Living in a very rural setting, I cross a lot of wildlife. And not all of them are giving me a message. In this case, it was the frequency of the sighting. How often does anyone see a young raccoon? Let alone 2 at the same time? For 4 days in a row? The other way I know that they were trying to convey a message, is how they looked at me. Every time we crossed paths, they looked straight into my eyes, much like when talking to someone. Most animals do not look straight at you, but more around you. And finally, there is a knowing. You just know when the animal is important. And what about that animal is important. You may not know what they are saying, but you know they are saying something. At that time, I often will make note of what is important, species, age, frequency. Later I will meditate on those important aspects and try to tease out the message. Online resources and books will often help me decipher their language.